On Friendship, Depression, and Video Games

Three things that I would have to say effect every person’s life in one way or another.  Some good, some bad, but the effect will be there.

Friendship is a finicky thing for sure.  It is really difficult to find a person that genuinely is willing to form that bond or relationship with you.  Let alone hanging out with eachother all the time.  That is why it is tough to know when to call somebody a friend, because just one brief encounter where you had fun doesn’t always mean much.  People are far easier to get along with in the short term than the long.  I’m sure all of this is common knowledge.  I’ve just been thinking about it.  About the lack of genuine people, and wondering if I am part of that lack or not.  I know that I genuinely care about those that are close to me, but it doesn’t mean that I am always genuine with them, so where does that leave me?  Probably just normal I suppose.  There are those that I am very rarely genuine with, but that I love just the same.  It’s just that some people you love because they are family,  not because of how they act or who they are.  You grow up idolizing them, wishing to one day be like them/act like them/have an awesome mustache like them but then you grow up.  You grow up and you realize that just because they were nice to you, it does not mean they are good people.

Maybe that sounds cold, maybe it makes sense, maybe you can’t relate, I don’t know.  I can only relate things as I see them.  I just wish at times that life could always be as simple as when we were younger.  I suppose that at different times it seemed a lot more challenging though, and then you get over it.  Maybe this is one of those.

When you are a baby, it is all about getting a boob in your mouth for some food.  Then, they expect you to walk?! Crap.  So you get there and over come that.  Then you get the joy of teething, and then being expected to communicate effectively.  Once you get that down, life is all about cookies, milk,  and cartoons.  Smooth sailing.  But then along comes math and you have to count for your cookies and suddenly the cookies all taste a little bitter.  You get passed that as well, and get into more complex math and spelling and sciences.  Along with that you are also thrown into the complex social politics of who is wearing what and why that makes them cool.  That sucks as well and you don’t really care for what is popular, but you want to be liked so you try to wear it.  That doesn’t help matters a whole hell of a lot and you eventually figure you will just be yourself.  And then the biggest whopper of all, puberty.  Re-enter boobs and wanting them in your mouth.  This go around is slightly different though.  Now you have acne and have to shave and sweat a lot and have to hide random boners.  Then things start to calm down.  You find a routine, a job, a college, or wherever your ambitions(if they exist) take you.  This works good for a few years.   But then you are left feeling empty, devoid, and wanting everything that seemed hard before back.  Enter me stage left.  Wondering what the hell to do, and whether I even care enough to do anything about it.  This leads me to….

Depression is a bitch of a thing.  As a matter of fact, one of the authors that I thoroughly enjoy put up a blog about his battle with depression and why he has been out of touch with the world for 11 months.  HERE is the link to that page.  The way he describes his depression makes more sense to me than many others.  I don’t care who you are, everybody has had a bout with depression before.  There are sooo many triggers that could cause it that I find it impossible for somebody to say that they haven’t.  The trick with it though, is not whether or not you have experienced it, but what you did about it.  Did you overcome it?  Did you give in and cut yourself?  Did you get so pissed off that it forced you into action?  Or is it just a cycle like everything else?  You overcome simply to be overcome by it at a later date.  If you can’t seem to get over it, what should you do?  You can try talking to people, but that only does so much.  You can try to ignore it, but just because it is on the back burner does not mean the burner has been turned off.  You can try meds, but that is a huge step.  It means having it added to your medical history that you are indeed depressed.

So let’s say that you made your decision.  You know what you want to do.  You try to talk it over with the person closest to you, whether that be friend or spouse, and they don’t support that decision.  That is a tough place to be.  Ultimately you have to do what is best for you, it just sucks doing it without support.  Meh.  I dunno.

 

How about video games, those are fun right?!  I’ve recently had some time to play some again.  It was pretty fantastic.  I played quite a bit of LA Noire.  That is a great game, far better than any other Rockstar game, in my opinion.  I like that it doesn’t give you all the answers, that you have to find the clues and try to actually interrogate the people.  That you have to study their expressions and tones of voice and try to decide whether they are lying or not.  Sometimes that sucks though, because I want everybody to be guilty.  Suppose that says something about me.  But either way, very fun game.  Played some of that, some Infamous, which is fun as well and a good stress reliever because you can electrocute the shit out of anybody.  And then I have put just a little bit of time into Duke Nukem Forever.  This is a game that I had been looking forward to for some time, so  going much past where I am has me worried.  I’ve heard that shortly after this point it stops feeling like  Nukem game, and that some of  the reviews are well earned.  That makes me sad.  Part because of some of what they have added to the game, part because my wife bought it as a gift and I haven’t given it the attention she probably wishes I would.

 

Well, that is about all I’ve got for now.  I got a very little writing done, and would like to get some more.  I just need to get it so that it comes out as smoothly as the other random thoughts in my head.  Also need to do it when it isn’t 11 at night.  Was going to devote all Friday evening to it, but instead I went to a work gathering and then spent some time with my closest friend and his fiance.  I think it was well worth the trade-ff because we haven’t gotten to bond much and they are engaged.  I know she makes him happy and that is what matters though.  I just wish our schedules were less bitchy and we could do more things together.  Maybe one of these days.  Toodles for now.

 

-AL

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