That Special Moment

Yes, Yes, there are many special moments in life.  Many of which you experience growing up in one way or another.  There is the moment you fall in love the first time.  There is the time that you first have a wet dream(still never had.  Feel kinda left out). Time you first have sex.  Your first job.  Your first hobby.  Your first good friend.  But out of all of those and more, what I am more curious about tonight is the moment that you knew, really, really knew what it was that you wanted to do with your life.  Have you gotten to experience that yet?  Was it clear and concise or more of a general feeling?

Mine has never came as a good clear BOOM YEAH MOFO moment.  There have been many things that grabbed me by the balls for a quick moment and I thought I may enjoy but never one that I just knew I wanted to do for good.  I get that for the performing arts in general though.  I really enjoy most every aspect of those previously stated arts.  I love writing, I love acting, I enjoy singing at times but royally suck at it.  And what it really comes down to is that I enjoy making others feel.  Making them smile, making them frown, making them pissed off.  It doesn’t matter.  As long as they feel.  Smiles are the best, or at least the easiest for me to do.  Pissing people off comes in at a close second though.

So if you had that moment, what was it for you?  Or if you are feeling more thoughtful, what do you think happened as you were growing up to make you want to be that way?

As far as me, well, I suppose it depends on what we look at.  If we are looking at just the fact that I enjoy making others smile, well life growing up was definitely not always smiles.  And I’m not asking for your pity about that, nobody has a perfect childhood.  It is how you get past that childhood that matters.  For me,  I turned to humor.  Humor is my cure-all.  Can use it for smiles, can use it to deflect serious moments, can use it in so many different situations.  That was helpful to develop growing up.  Being able to find smiles was a great talent for sure.  It helped in other areas as well, such as school.

Unfortunately just making people and/or yourself smile doesn’t always fix the situation.  That took a little while for me to learn.  I thought that if I could get that smile, get the person feeling better, that it would actually make things better.  Unfortunately, while it may help at times, it normally acts simply like any drug, good for the moment but eventually the realization that you just had some bad mojo flowing comes back.

Those thoughts are part of what is going through my head right now.  There is more that I could throw out there, but I think that some has been jumbled enough already.  If I were more awake I may even try to make it more coherent.   I’m trying to think though, trying to work through my demons, and trying to get my fucking ass in gear.  That is the hardest thing for me.  Committing to that one thing that I want to spend time on, to make better, to become career.  It’s sad that I worry more about that than I did about getting married.  Maybe it’s because of that that I do question my career more.  Maybe I’m just scared of growing up.  Maybe I worry about taking the road less taken.  That that road is going to be bumpier than a teenager’s face.  Maybe I should stop being such a pussy and just do it.  Now there is a novel idea.  Either way.  Here is a good song.  Suuure it’s This Magic Moment instead of special.. but I thought of it anyway.  And I like it. And it’s my blog. So.. Nyaah!

    • Brittany
    • July 11th, 2011

    like the song 🙂
    and i’m with you on that whole moment of realization…still waiting for it as well. when people ask me what i’m majoring in I change the answer weekly.

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