More Dreams

If you couldn’t tell by now, dreams fascinate me.  I may not get down with god and jeebus and a lot of other supernatural mumbo jumbo, but the brain now that is as natural as it gets.  Also, don’t get me wrong I do find religion and other belief-type systems interesting, but I suppose I just lack the belief to take them seriously.  It could be because I wholeheartedly believe in the power of the brain.  I believe that our subconscious has a lot of shit worked out long before our conscious self is ready to deal.  Along those lines, I believe that dreams can have a lot of meaning to them.  That doesn’t mean that every dream is an omen of death, or getting laid, or bad juju, or anything like that, but some most definitely do have meaning.  Some others… well.. those are best left alone.  They are best suited to your ‘dark side’.  As Samuel Clemons once remarked, “Every man is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody”.  There are those dreams though, that invoke deja vu.  The dreams you have that are completely real until you wake up.  And then later on that day the dream happens.  Those have always happened for me a lot when there is some sort of deadline or test.  I can think of a few occasions where I dreamed taking the test with the exact questions that ended up being on the test the very next morning.  It was freaky, but I got good grades.  I had a dream the other night, for example, that made me ponder if I had smoked peyote.  It went a little something like this….

It was dark, and all was quiet.  I looked around the bedroom to see my wife all naked-like.  She comes over and starts to do the naughty things that naked people do in the bedroom(I won’t be graphic) but in the middle of it she decides to piss all over me(ok a little graphic).  Now I reasonably was none too thrilled with that development and remarked to her as calmly as I could with a hefty ‘What the Fu….?” And also imparted upon her the knowledge that such behavior was unacceptable.  To which she replied “you’ll get over it”.  I didn’t really feel that I would.  On that note I left the house to go to work.  I figured if I’m already going to be frustrated, may as well.  So I get to work and go to clock in.  All around the time clock there are shelves of parts.  On the ends of all the shelves are new posters.  They are all christian posters.  All trying to be uplifting and inspiring.  They want you to be happy, but only if you are happy with gawd.  This didn’t please me much either and my boss walked over.  I looked at him questioningly, but also along the lines of “What the Fu…..?” and he tells me that he has decided that not only are we a christian company now, but that we would be praying every day for success and happiness of the company, and what was I gonna do about it?  I didn’t really figure that there was anything I could really do about it without finding a different job and told him as such.  He begged me to reconsider and even to listen to him as he told me what made him change his mind and see the light.  Because not only are we christian now, but a family.  A family that we are going to tell customers about, and our brochure will now have you and the 65 year old hispanic lady on the cover holding hands.  This will show customers we are family oriented and bridge the generations.  Now about the christian thing, allow me to show you the light.  And then my boss, who is in his mid-40’s and a good six and a half feet tall, broke out into song and dance.  He broke out into hymnal actually.  He was singing, dancing, clapping and all kinds of carrying on.  Then the dial got turned to 11 and an entire african-american choir popped out near the shipping area and provided backup vocals to his hymnal.  Singing, clapping, and dancing as well.  They were singing a little bitty that was on repeat, it mainly consisted of “Let me take you higher, higher, higher”  Add as much grandeur and amazing-graceness as you feel necessary, it probably wont match how grand it was in the dream.  And then I was woken up.

How about that?  Pretty fun huh?  I was just stoked to have a sex dream that seemed normal.  They are few and far between.  It of course didn’t stay normal, but well I shouldn’t have hoped for it.  When you have sex dreams ranging from life-sized smurfs to Bea Arthur(who came cottage cheese) to trying to have sex in a house that is tumbling around in a tornado, you kind of get used to crazyness.

Want another?  Then continue reading. If not. Whatevs…

I was wandering through Target, doing some sexy clearance shopping because how cool that is.  Had apparently just left the gym because I was wearing my gym clothes and was sweaty.  The fake security guard(who has previously boned my wife) pops up and says to me “I don’t know why you’re wearing that muscle shirt, because you ain’t got any.”  To which I reply with a “Well that’s odd, because that is exactly how I feel about you and a condom on your… ahem.. cock”  This angered him and he kicked me out of Target.  He can do that, since he is security.  So I get out my phone and call the store manager up.  I’m on the phone with the manager when I notice securidick out of the corner of my eye.  Rushing my way and looking extremely pissed.  He doesn’t think I’ve seen him and tries to get me in a headlock.  I dodge and trip him.  He falls.  I laugh.  Then start to walk away, telling him he should drop it while he can.  He doesn’t.  I am walking towards my car, which was apparently parked on the edge of an 8-foot drop to pavement and more parking places below, when he rushes at me again.  He doesn’t come at me, and instead goes at my wife.  He tries to kiss her.  I grab him off of her and punch him in the head.  He falls to the lower pavement.  Head first.  On a corner of the cement.  Brains go oozing.  I leave.  And then I was woken up.

Shorter dream, but it was immensely more satisfying.  I have actually had a lot of really vivid, lucid dreams this week.  I would say that in the past week, i am 4 for the last 7 days or so.  Which is a far cry more than the normal 1/week.

Had another one that was sex related, and yes screwed up as well.  Another was a girl breaking a relationship off with me because I was just far too sweet and she needed a real man.  You know, the dirty kind, that is macho, and enjoys being hairy.  Had another one where the entire purpose of the dream was to make it to a concert with a friend from work.  It was going to be the best concert ever because it hadn’t been done yet.  It was a Power Rangers concert.  Dun dun dunnnn

So what do you think of dreams?

Are some of yours like this?

Or are those your acid/peyote dreams. Those that haunt you.

What else sucks are the memories that feel like dreams.  Where you have issues deciding if something actually happened or not.  No good.  I’m actually fairly tired currently.  Think I shall go off and sleep some more.


PS check it out.  I wrote for about half an hour.  Not much.  But a start again..
PPS I didn’t start off the first line with something along the lines of “I know it’s been awhile”  Yeah. Take that

PPPS Boobs

  1. Must have been some good peyote. The question is, what do you think of your dreams? The randomness and sexy time elements point in a very naughty area, like dirty french area.

    Have you had the one where it feels like the fires of Mt. Doom are passing through your sphincter?

    While my dreams aren’t sex themed, imagine months worth of content streaming through in one single dream. Mine were interesting, but REM sleep has remedied that.

    I love doing the fork in the garbage disposal, the best dance in the world.

    • I try not to think too deeply into my dreams. With the dreams I have I fear that madness lies down that path. I worry about how often the workplace ends up in them though. That can’t say anything healthy for my psyche. I mean almost all of them boil down to sex or work. That sums up the typical life. But I suppose the devil is in the details…

    • Brittany
    • August 18th, 2011

    i’ve been having a lot of dreams this week too… interesting.

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