Just trying to keep it together

Imagination is such a wonderful thing.  I hope that kids never stop using it.  I worry about that sometimes looking at youth, I know that I am not that old, but sometimes there just seems to be such a lack of it.  Then I think back to my teen days and realize that it was that way then as well.  So few actually embrace their minds, embrace who they are, and embrace that freaky shit that makes them who they truly are deep down inside.  I suppose it just seems to be such a larger scale since I see it now in a larger city.  I grew up in a small town, so that’s what I blame it on, being in the city puts everything on a larger scale.  But yes, kids, I wish more would embrace that instead of joining whatever seems to be the largest click at the time hoping that this time somebody will notice you.

The sad thing though is that if you actually do make yourself stand out, then you are ridiculed, which in my opinion only makes you a stronger person.  Unfortunately not many people actually seem to think the same way anymore.  It kills me to see lawsuits and suicides over simple name calling.  Parents blaming schools for children’s behavior instead of the child themselves.  If your kid enjoys mutilating animals and/or themselves and other kids.  Do something about it your damn self.  Stop blaming others.  Sometimes the simplest answer is a good ass beating.  Oh shit, did I say that, better call DFS.

Sorry if I didn’t quite stay on point.  But. Blah. SOoo anyways Imagination.  Why is it on my mind?  Well because my son has an incredible one, and that makes me so incredibly happy.  On the flip side he also has the ability to completely creep my shit out.  And I encourage the hell out of that imagination about 95% of the time.  The other times I do find myself trying to curb it slightly, or at least to teach him the proper times to vocalize that imagination. Today was one of those times that I felt that maaaybe he was going a little off the deep end.

We dropped off his mommy to go work and then we went shopping.  As we are going through the store he asks me “Where’s mommy, daddy?”

To which I reply “Why I dunno son, I’m pretty sure we just dropped her off at work though.”

He contemplates this as only a 3 1/2 year old can and says “No, we didn’t.”

To which I wittily retort, ‘Oh?’

He says, “No daddy, I think monsters ate her.”

I say, “Oh no! Poor mommy”

And he replies “Yeah, and then they took off her shirt”

Once again my wit shows as I grow slightly uncomfortable ‘Oh..?’ I say

He states matter of factly, “Yeah, and then they ate her boobies”

Now I have fully stepped bare foot into dogshit. Looking around hoping nobody is near. “Ah, um, son, I don’t think they did that. Maybe. Um, they did something else or maybe mommy is working since we just took her there.”

“Oh….No daddy, monsters took mommy.” He states, daring me to retort.

And I do, with the almighty “Oh?”

“Yeah, but they ate her booty booty” He tells me.

I face palm and give up on the conversation and derailing him. Which of course derails him, that and the shiny objects in the aisle. We were then able to start our normal store conversation of  “I want that, I want that, I want that, I want that, aaaand I want that.”

So theres that. Now Itchy Asses. This is by no means a piece on digging deeply at your own asshole and then smelling your finger. You are all obviously far too sophisticated for that. No, my curiosity that I haven’t found an answer to yet is the phenomenon of when the veeery top of your ass crack itches.  Right where the cleft starts to form. You go to give it a good healthy scratch and then… you are filled with a horrible and urgent need to piss. Why is this?  I have tried to find answers on the intertrons, but only found other bloggers asking the same question.  I mean sometimes even just a good hard scrub with the loofah in the shower makes a bit more pee squirt out then the hot water already did.  SO. There is thy quest, tell me why.  Specify the nerve if at all possible.  It makes me think of the whole cat/kitten thing.  That when cats are teaching their kittens to pee, or help them, whatever it is, they lick all up around that area to stimulate that.  With  tongues like sand paper, it could only feel like scratching it, right? So maybe that will be the next phase in teaching children to pee on command.  Stand them in front of the toilet, or even sit if you have a girl I suppose. And then just give them a quick little scratch and BAM the tinkle fairy has arrived.

Creepy huh?

At least I didn’t suggest licking their asses, now that would be weird.

Pfffffffft.

-Al